:by the Grace of God:

ok ok ok, sorry i've taken so long to update, but at least posting about random stuff, like squid (sorry mark). i was watching a great movie yesterday with Janice and my family, and it touched me deep, like in a good way and a bad way.

the Pursuit of Happyness is a story about a life, redeemed, given a second chance... it was a story about a father who never gave up, who seized every opportunity, who embraced what LIFE gave him, yet was never defeated by it when he had every reason to. it was a story about how the balance between a life lived and a life lost is wavey, hard to define, and definitely dangerously thin and abstract in some places.

the Pursuit of Happyness story was a story that i felt like i was living, but it also made me absolutely afraid of the life i could've lived.

i'll post no spoilers here, so don't worry about the movie, just here my side, my fears, and my interpretations. there was a time in my life where i had no chances, no money, no college degree, no savings, and an expensive addiction to a certain drug. when i think back to those times, i realised how close i was to going off a deep end. most people think i already fell off that end a long time ago, but since then i've met and experienced people who've been addicted to much stronger drugs and i think that i still have more deep ends that i could've fallen off of. if it weren't for my family who reached out to me in my time of brokenness and desperation, coupled with a life changing encounter with the living God... if it weren't for these two things in my life, i wouldn't HAVE a life.

excuse me while i dive into a relm of self-reflection, but i'd like to point out that this is my blog and my thoughts. here i go.

without a degree, with no real skills, no connections and no desire to work.... what is there for me in a land like Hong Kong? it wasn't like this was a dream or anything.. i was there. albeit 7 years ago, it's still just like it was a yesterday when desperation was all i had, and i'm not talking about worship... i'm talking about having nothing, everything to fear, nothing to gain, afraid of what lay ahead, so afraid of a future that was quickly crumbling away that i couldn't even take first step. fear has gripped my life. fear... i hate it, but in the past i was too afraid to tackle it.

there was a part in the movie, which is also in the trailer by the way, where Will Smith's character spends the night locked in a bathroom because he had no where else to stay. too poor to rent anywhere, no friends that would take him. it was one of the harder parts of the movie, because it was so pointed, it was so... harsh.. but in many ways it was real. only the man wasn't a multimillion dollar actor with a happy ending.

secretly, i always feared that my life would be like this. that i would never make it in this world, that i would've failed at everything, and be some sort of bum. i never excelled in school, i flunked almost every course i took at uni, and i never really won anything... i was afraid.

but my story didn't end there, praise God....

the title of my post was 'by the Grace of God'. you know, in light of every failure i've had, and every failure i'll go through, in 2 weeks i'll be doing something that i've never dreamed that i would ever have been asked to do. i'm going to Wales, to speak to a select group of North England Chinese Youth, and i'm going to share MY life with them and inspire them to go as far as they possibly can with Jesus.

me? the drugged out, uni drop out? are you sure?

i guess so. you see, even saturday night, and every chance i get to speak anywhere i come face to face with the Grace of God, and i shake my head at Him every time. How can he take such a uni dropout, such a reject from the system, such a categorised failure... to bring HIS gospel, HIS word, HIS life to the future youth of a nation? that's why the Grace of God is so amazing. you may think i'm boasting or being prideful but really this post is about hos God can take anything and make it supernatural.

By God's Grace, i'll be in Wales in 2 weeks sharing my life and what God has done in me to hundreds of youth leaders. Just getting the invitation was cause to fall face down in worship and astonishment. i've gotten over the initial shock, and now i'm in full swing for preparation to be myself, and share my heart.

God, you are simply amazing. i've never dreamed that i'd be in this position, but now that i am help not get ahead of myself. keep my humble and grounded in you. help me be faithful to the call, not the reward, and help me only reflect you. Lord, i dont want to be a speaker, i want to be a passionate disciple, i just want to be your Son. thank you for this amazing opportunity, but know that i Glorify YOUR NAME and ONLY your name. Again, all glory to our King of Kings. let this trip be an offering to you. Thank you Lord.


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