Humble Pie
So in all honesty, I'm a pretty prideful person. I think I'm pretty stinking good at what I feel that I excel at. (notice excel? ha, i am up myself!) I know I'm not good at many things, but I dont need to think about those things... I just need to focus on what I CAN do.
That said, I'm finding that being "good" at something is really only subjective. If I felt I was any good at being a pastor, then just place me next to an amazing pastor and then I'm not really "good" anymore.
You know what that's called? That's called eating humble pie.
I used to hate eating humble pie. It's because I used to think I was good at stuff, so why do I need to eat that? Well, that mentality is pretty dumb... Dumb and pig headed. i was eating idiot-cake (this food analogy is really catching me at the mo...)
You see, the confidence I had was more from the circumstances that surrounded me, as oppose to having a clear conviction from Christ. For example, I thought I was good at pastoring because I had lots of people coming to my ministry and because people told me I was good? See how dumb that mentality is? Why dumb you ask? Well, what happens when you take away that ministry, those people and that church? Well then I would think I sucked. see how fickle that mentality is? idiot-cake.
So that's been my life for the last year almost. I've left a spectacular pastoring role, amazing people I was ministering to and with, and then I'm placed in a school were I'm one of many clergy... most of whom know scriptures much better than i do. SO, in that sense I was enjoying a wonderful humble pie. But in my heart I always felt, well.... At least I have events.
SO ANWAYS, Events was something of an obsession for me. I LOVE doing events. Not to be on stage, but I love doing things behind the scenes. I love planning things like people flow, like planning meetings, like rundowns and volunteer training. And you know what? I did it well. After years of doing large events, I made a name for myself and I felt that I could do any event.
And so when I was volunteered to help out a conference on campus I considered immediately calling the person in charge and tell her that she can relax now, because DEREK MA has arrived. But before I actually contacted her, I felt God just nudge me a bit to stop.
So I said nothing.
Right up to the event morning, I was like... Should I say anything? The answer was no. So I just shut up, turned up and just did whatever I was asked to do. No name dropping, no selling myself, no retelling of my battles in Hong Kong... just do what I was told to.
At first I started making mental lists of what was done wrong, but then after a while I just took the stick out of my butt and enjoyed being on the other side of an event... A normal volunteer.
You know, I have to admit I was actually had a great time. I don't remember the last time I was at an event that I didn't have any part whatsoever with leading it. No really, I can not remember, it's been that long. So there I was. What my glorious experience of project managing and blah blah blah? I was asked to do dishes.
DISHES!
And after that, you what was next? Taking out the trash and wiping down tables.
Say WHAT!?!?
Yep, that was my 4hrs of serving. And you know what, I ate humble pie and it tasted amazing. Afterwards, my heart was in a place of expectant entitlement. I felt I deserved to be doing a certain role, or treated a certain way. And when God saw that, his response to remind me that I don't deserve anything.
So I got humble pie. And in so doing I was put back in a place of reverence and adoration.
Thank you God.
That said, I'm finding that being "good" at something is really only subjective. If I felt I was any good at being a pastor, then just place me next to an amazing pastor and then I'm not really "good" anymore.
You know what that's called? That's called eating humble pie.
I used to hate eating humble pie. It's because I used to think I was good at stuff, so why do I need to eat that? Well, that mentality is pretty dumb... Dumb and pig headed. i was eating idiot-cake (this food analogy is really catching me at the mo...)
You see, the confidence I had was more from the circumstances that surrounded me, as oppose to having a clear conviction from Christ. For example, I thought I was good at pastoring because I had lots of people coming to my ministry and because people told me I was good? See how dumb that mentality is? Why dumb you ask? Well, what happens when you take away that ministry, those people and that church? Well then I would think I sucked. see how fickle that mentality is? idiot-cake.
So that's been my life for the last year almost. I've left a spectacular pastoring role, amazing people I was ministering to and with, and then I'm placed in a school were I'm one of many clergy... most of whom know scriptures much better than i do. SO, in that sense I was enjoying a wonderful humble pie. But in my heart I always felt, well.... At least I have events.
SO ANWAYS, Events was something of an obsession for me. I LOVE doing events. Not to be on stage, but I love doing things behind the scenes. I love planning things like people flow, like planning meetings, like rundowns and volunteer training. And you know what? I did it well. After years of doing large events, I made a name for myself and I felt that I could do any event.
And so when I was volunteered to help out a conference on campus I considered immediately calling the person in charge and tell her that she can relax now, because DEREK MA has arrived. But before I actually contacted her, I felt God just nudge me a bit to stop.
So I said nothing.
Right up to the event morning, I was like... Should I say anything? The answer was no. So I just shut up, turned up and just did whatever I was asked to do. No name dropping, no selling myself, no retelling of my battles in Hong Kong... just do what I was told to.
At first I started making mental lists of what was done wrong, but then after a while I just took the stick out of my butt and enjoyed being on the other side of an event... A normal volunteer.
You know, I have to admit I was actually had a great time. I don't remember the last time I was at an event that I didn't have any part whatsoever with leading it. No really, I can not remember, it's been that long. So there I was. What my glorious experience of project managing and blah blah blah? I was asked to do dishes.
DISHES!
And after that, you what was next? Taking out the trash and wiping down tables.
Say WHAT!?!?
Yep, that was my 4hrs of serving. And you know what, I ate humble pie and it tasted amazing. Afterwards, my heart was in a place of expectant entitlement. I felt I deserved to be doing a certain role, or treated a certain way. And when God saw that, his response to remind me that I don't deserve anything.
So I got humble pie. And in so doing I was put back in a place of reverence and adoration.
Thank you God.
Comments