"you don't look like you go out..."

finaly something to write about. 2 things actually. maybe a 3rd.

so every wednesday night our church host an introductory christian event... includes dinner, a talk, and small group discussion. i lead a small group every week and it's been pretty wild, as we just finished the 4th week. one of the guests in our group turned to me and said what do you do with your spare time? i mean... do you DO ANYTHING? you don't look like you go out...

i choked on air at that last comment.

that was the first time i've been judged like that. i used to go out a lot. too much. not for like months, but for a long time, high school and college. i've always tried to walk a fine line of trying to look like a drab kind of guy, as oppose to a socialite. but yeah.. it kind of shocked me. here i am, years after i've flunked out of college, and still climbing out of my huge debt due to drugs... and now i look as though i'm a guy that doesn't do all that much. that was such a weird, but wonderful feeling. yes i'm busy... super busy, but i'm pretty happy that i'm past all of the crap that brought me down. it made my eyes open a little wider.... with a sparkle... and cherry on top.

at the end of the talk, tom, my boy for life and current worship director at my church, got up and sung a song that he wrote. i've heard it before, but when he sang it, god just blessed it and it just made me shiver. no joke.. i freaking shivered as he sang because it was such a touching song, musically and lyrically... 2 hours later and i still can't believe that i'm singing it. i love that guy so much it's weird.

all that aside, i'm starting to refocus alot of things in my life. who i am. what i am. what i do with my time. what my ministry is. what my future with my girldfriend is. what my future is. where my future is. after an extended period of time just rushing through life, serving where i can...getting through the stress times, and then now... things have slowed down... but i feel that this is just the deep breath before i move on again. i have no idea to most... if not all of the questions that i just asked.. but that's the exciting part... because it's been so long since i've even had any questions... and here of all places it's now recorded. my 2 month break now ends.

and on the last note... i've taken out all interactive things from this site. site meter, comments, tagboard, guest book... it's not about you responding to my rambles anymore... if fact, if you read, you read... the response is just to feed my own ego that people actually read my page.. but now... i'm beyond that. i've been doing this for almost 2 years now... it's time i just wrote for the sake of writing. and anyways, i've done a wonderful job of loosing my reader base anyways, since i didn't update for so long...

so again i begin. like another season in my life.. a new skin... a new me.



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