my hands were shaking, and clammy. i felt the least prepared of all my talks, but i spent more time than usual on this one for prep and prayer. the wind made looking at my notes impossible, which is something i've never done. i was cold during the talk, but i've always been burning hot in the past. my stories were spontaneous, something i've never done before. some points came out by themselves, the notes didn?t correlate to what i was saying, somebody called me during the talk... things that never happen before.

but it was good. no. it was perfect.

you see... the lord did a lot in me over the weekend. i was stretched, challenged and i overcame the problems this time only with God's strength. truth be known... i actually was crapping my pants the whole day and all throughout the talk. but somehow... some way the lord not only helped me share what was on his heart, i did it in a way that God was praised. i was up before 6am, and in the office arund 7. praying, writing, practicing... it was strange to me. i was driven. honestly more out of fear of failure than anything else.

my talk was in no way mine. God wrote it, and he certainly gave... because i know what i was feeling inside... it certainly wasn't me making up stuff on the spot nor was it me reading my notes... because i did neither.

like i said... the Lord is good. i got some really good feedback that made me just praise Him in my own heart. it also showed me that i should never rely on my own simple human frame of mind to judge something as important as a shared word in something like church or 180.

so, in a basic nutshell, according to people's feedback and to how well i slept last night? it went very well.

i'm also strongly convinced that anyone who get's up to talk about anything on God's behalf is much more challenged by anything that a person receives. as i continue to seek the true meaning of following God and what that means in my own life... i guess now i know that if i want to continue to dive deeper into teaching... i can't WANT to teach... i can't WANT to be on stage? the only desire i can have is to be challenged by His word, and to seek His revelations for my own personal life. this past weekend i laid to death any desire to be a preacher of the word, or to be on the stage... and it its place, a new seed was planted. a seed that desires nothing more than purity and revelation.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. "
-Matthew 6:33

now all that's left is to enjoy my day. thanks so much for any and all who took time to pray for me and for 180... it was totally a team effort and i felt that without your prayers i would've been crap. blessings all round....


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