:the enemies response:

after yNEEC, i was still in sermon mode and i got ready for my first ever preach on a Sunday morning. secretly, i've always wondered if i was ever going to speak on a Sunday morning at the Vine. i remember years ago hearing Andy G speak on Sunday mornings and think, man, he's awesome AND he's young! preaching at church was a surreal experience, as it was interesting preaching to the 'adults'. i went 100mph because i knew i had to cover a lot of ground, but for me it was a great exerpience. to be fair, speaking to over 100 youth in the UK that i had absolutely no relationship with prepared me to be able to speak anywhere in any situation....

this last week though has been a weird one. i've purposely not rostered myself for much this week, and i haven't taken on any new projects because i knew that i needed some time to recharge.

therein lies the problem.

if there's one thing i've learnt this week, it's that i can't take a break from being Christian... i dont mean that i went off the rails and turned to sin. what i mean is that i wasn't on the "I'm going to preach" mode. sadly, in my life there's a switch that i can flick that says ok, i'm in the zone... i'm reading the word, praying, focusing on Jesus... but there are times where i think... well, i'm not rostered for anything... i'll just take it easy.

if there's one thing you can always count on the enemy to do, it's kick you when you're down, and he'll always attack you when your guard is down.

i've always hated the notion that i've deserved anything in Christ. Do you know what i'm talking about? like me preaching at church, or running a great one_eighty, or me ministering at yNEEC is ANY REASON to sit back and say yeah God... i'm the man. the fact is, it really has very little to do with me, and everything to do with God...

that's what the Lord has been revealing to me day after day. it's really not about me, it's not about what i can do, not about my skills, it's about God. i just have to play a role. that role is to stay close to God... plain and simple.

this week i understood that no matter how many times i speak, no matter how many people come to the ministry i lead, no matter what in the world God gives me or uses me to do... i am but a man, and that my relationship my Lord is a rollercoaster at best.

and then it all comes back to a simple notion.


as happy as i can get, as high as i can climb with my God, or no matter how low i can fall, or how far i can run from my Lord, or no matter how many speaking engagements i take all over the world.... GRACE brings me back home... into the arms of Jesus... grace tells me that i'm not so successful that i'm above anyone or anything. graces tells me that i'm never too far from His love, but never too close that i can take it for granted.

grace. it's that simple.

so in the preparation of speaking this weekend in one_eighty (which i'm VERY excited about by the way... it feels like it's been forever since i've spoken at "home court") in preparation of that and for the upcoming Matt Redman & Luis Giglio visit.. and in the wake of speaking at the vine and yNEEC.... God hasn't actually said.. job well done, or you're my number one son.. or you're a great pastor, or wonderful speaker...

he has instead taught me another lesson on grace....

i entitled this entry as 'the enemies response', but after rereading my entry, i think it has very little to do with the king of lies, and everything to do with my Father who loves me beyond comprehension, and way too much to not miss this chance of using such an intense object lesson to bring clarity on a central aspect of our Lord's character.

anyways, time to turn the switch back on, or maybe it's time to get rid of the switch altogether.....


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