where in the bible does it say that my everyday faith has to be like a child?
i was going to write a whole big post on this, but as i was studying this, i found that the bible does not say we are to have an everyday faith that is child-like. now let's prove it by turning to 2 synoptic gospels, Matthew and Mark.
Matthew 18:2-4(ESV)
2And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them 3and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven
Mark 10:13-16(ESV)
13 And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. 14But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, "Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 15 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." 16And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
so, after first glance this obviously says we need a childlike faith... but the context is about entering the kingdom of heaven, on judgment. the greater context is that Jesus has just revealed to the disciples that he will be killed, and the disciples are worried about their outcomes. Jesus is saying, believe and you enter in the kingdom of heaven.
yes. child like faith, on judgement.
i'm probably on this ground here but my personal revelation is that this text is misused here to say things that aren't said in the text. the text is referring to our eternity. we aren't to worry about judgement, we are trust that Jesus has taken our sin on the cross.
we are not to conduct ourselves like children, in regards to our faith. only in regards to our eternity.
I guess i stand on Paul's well documented verse:
1 Peter 2:1-3(ESV)
1 So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. 2 Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— 3if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.
sigh... i hope i'm not offending anyone.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Day 5: Zombie
(if you're reading this and have no idea what i'm talking about, please go here to get an update on our situation. Also note this is Day 5. Please go here for the first day in this series. thanks!)
so it has been 5 days that i've been on a single dad adventure. i've had my ups and downs, but on the whole Ethan has been doing great. i'm certain that he's happy to be back in his own bed, in his house, playing with his own toys. he has every breakfast with mommy over facetime, so he get's his virtual hugs and kisses from momma everyday. he knows he can talk with momma through the computer, so he's learned to come over and say "talk momma" to me to ask to speak with Janice. i think that's great, because that means he understands that while Janice is not here, he can have access to her.
most nights ethan has been great, but last night he was not. in the middle of the night he woke up crying for momma. i knew i was in for a long night, but after putting him in our bed, he fell back asleep. he's had a stuffy nose, so he was constantly snoring and waking up and flailing that it pretty much kept me up all night.
when morning finally broke, i decided it was time to go to an old staple, Cafe Au Play. Janice and I love this place because it's a great little non-profit cafe that has a big kids area, and always has things happening for kids. i went in the morning, and when i arrived there were 4 other sets of parent(s) with their toddlers or babies.
i ordered my coffee and bagel, sat down, and let Ethan play. as i sat and injected my caffeine, i looked around. i was feeling destroyed from the night before, but as i scanned the room i realised that every single parent was drinking coffee and had the same look on their face. none of us were smiling. no one was happily reading a paper.
everyone was a zombie.
it was actually very funny. we all shared the same vibe. the i-am-so-tired-but-my-child-is-not face. it was just classic. i didn't know the parents nor their children, but we all silently shared that feeling of... "i'm so happy i'm drinking coffee and my child is not screaming"
no words were spoken, other than the occasional child crying or parent saying "no, don't hit"... but for that short amount of time, i felt that i shared something with every single parent in that cafe.
as i got ethan back into the car to go home for his nap, i actually felt refreshed. more important than the caffeine was a sense that i'm not alone, and that i can do this. all because about 6 other parents openly shared the wear & tear on their faces over a much enjoyed cup of coffee.
there is no moral to this story, but really this was the highlight of my day. that in my tiredness from caring for a toddler, i found brethren.
so it has been 5 days that i've been on a single dad adventure. i've had my ups and downs, but on the whole Ethan has been doing great. i'm certain that he's happy to be back in his own bed, in his house, playing with his own toys. he has every breakfast with mommy over facetime, so he get's his virtual hugs and kisses from momma everyday. he knows he can talk with momma through the computer, so he's learned to come over and say "talk momma" to me to ask to speak with Janice. i think that's great, because that means he understands that while Janice is not here, he can have access to her.
most nights ethan has been great, but last night he was not. in the middle of the night he woke up crying for momma. i knew i was in for a long night, but after putting him in our bed, he fell back asleep. he's had a stuffy nose, so he was constantly snoring and waking up and flailing that it pretty much kept me up all night.
when morning finally broke, i decided it was time to go to an old staple, Cafe Au Play. Janice and I love this place because it's a great little non-profit cafe that has a big kids area, and always has things happening for kids. i went in the morning, and when i arrived there were 4 other sets of parent(s) with their toddlers or babies.
i ordered my coffee and bagel, sat down, and let Ethan play. as i sat and injected my caffeine, i looked around. i was feeling destroyed from the night before, but as i scanned the room i realised that every single parent was drinking coffee and had the same look on their face. none of us were smiling. no one was happily reading a paper.
everyone was a zombie.
it was actually very funny. we all shared the same vibe. the i-am-so-tired-but-my-child-is-not face. it was just classic. i didn't know the parents nor their children, but we all silently shared that feeling of... "i'm so happy i'm drinking coffee and my child is not screaming"
no words were spoken, other than the occasional child crying or parent saying "no, don't hit"... but for that short amount of time, i felt that i shared something with every single parent in that cafe.
as i got ethan back into the car to go home for his nap, i actually felt refreshed. more important than the caffeine was a sense that i'm not alone, and that i can do this. all because about 6 other parents openly shared the wear & tear on their faces over a much enjoyed cup of coffee.
there is no moral to this story, but really this was the highlight of my day. that in my tiredness from caring for a toddler, i found brethren.
Day 4: Be angry, and do not sin...
(if you're reading this and have no idea what i'm talking about, please go here to get an update on our situation. Also note this is day 4. Please go here for the first post in this series. thanks!)
i'm not really an angry person. i've neer been so angry that i loose control and do irrational things. i used to pride myself on this aspect of myself growing up. other people would get so angry it would throw them out of whack, and they would be unreliable and unstable. me? i would crack jokes, albeit sometimes at inappropriate moments, always under control.
it's not that i trained in the Himalayas' to control my anger, it's just something i guess i was born with. i mean, don't get me wrong. i DO get angry, but never throw chairs out the window angry.
over these last few days, i've found myself being angry. there are so many reasons why. angry at myself for not being a better husband to Janice, as in not putting down my foot when i had an inkling of fear that she would be flagged at the border. angry at myself for not being a better dad, as in this time with Ethan should be amazing and adventurous, not tiring and stressful. these are valid angers that I believe are fueling my days to grow.
however there are unhealthy angers.
i'm angry at the immigration guy at the border, because ultimately he was the one who stopped us. i'm angry at the Visa people, who have their heads so far up their asses they forgot they are actually dealing with living human beings. i'm angry about.... well, you get the point. but as i was driving from Canada, i found that there's one anger i'm not familiar with.
it was being angry with God.
now, i believe in the Sovereignty and Grace of our Lord. i do. i received it, i believe it, i partially understand it, i preach it... but this whole situation has hit home in ways that no other scenario in my life has. i have very rarely been shake-my-fist-at-God angry.
there was one time i was so angry at God AND myself because i accidentally gave Ethan 3x the dosage of medicine and we were worried that i poisoned him. i remember this so clearly. i was crying and i was on the kitchen floor on my hands and knees and i was punching the ground. but.... this was more being upset at my own stupidity than being angry at God.
yet, this time i found that i was talking, angrily, with God while driving. there was no audible response, or miraculous signs indicating God was replying to my rants. it was more like i was giving God a diatribe of emotion.
days later, i've calmed down and i've moved to repent, but as I have repented, I have not felt convicted.
under more scrutiny of the scritpure, it does not say "DO NOT be angry"... but "it actually says BE ANGRY". note that this is ESV, a more reliable translation that's closer to the original text. the NIV says "tremble". i like the ESV more in this circumtsance.
be. angry. and do not sin.
anger is such a tricky emotion. it is combustable, and can lead to so many divergnent outcomes. fire is much the same way. a controlled fire can be a vital light, saving warmth, cooking heat or even for comfort on a cold winters day. uncontrolled fire can rage and destroy everything in it's path.
my anger has led me to sin. i have critically broken the face of the immigration office, and i have napalmed the Visa processing office, and i have also brutally murdered some key individuals in my life... for that i have repented.
but as the Holy Spirit as my witness, i have no repented of my anger towards God. the only way this is possible is because i have still stubbornly and stoically held to the sovereignty of God. it is his will, but i am just trying to not sin with upholding the other part of scripture. being angry.
for my whole life i have shunned and forcibly pushed away the cancerous emotion, but now it seems i'm embracing it. my goal, much like with fire, is to harness it so that the Lord can use it for his glory.
my closing thought on this is that it is only the harnessed blazing fires of adversity do things truly become purified. i'm just doing it angry. But while not sinning.
Be angry, and do not sin;
ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.
i'm not really an angry person. i've neer been so angry that i loose control and do irrational things. i used to pride myself on this aspect of myself growing up. other people would get so angry it would throw them out of whack, and they would be unreliable and unstable. me? i would crack jokes, albeit sometimes at inappropriate moments, always under control.
it's not that i trained in the Himalayas' to control my anger, it's just something i guess i was born with. i mean, don't get me wrong. i DO get angry, but never throw chairs out the window angry.
over these last few days, i've found myself being angry. there are so many reasons why. angry at myself for not being a better husband to Janice, as in not putting down my foot when i had an inkling of fear that she would be flagged at the border. angry at myself for not being a better dad, as in this time with Ethan should be amazing and adventurous, not tiring and stressful. these are valid angers that I believe are fueling my days to grow.
however there are unhealthy angers.
i'm angry at the immigration guy at the border, because ultimately he was the one who stopped us. i'm angry at the Visa people, who have their heads so far up their asses they forgot they are actually dealing with living human beings. i'm angry about.... well, you get the point. but as i was driving from Canada, i found that there's one anger i'm not familiar with.
it was being angry with God.
now, i believe in the Sovereignty and Grace of our Lord. i do. i received it, i believe it, i partially understand it, i preach it... but this whole situation has hit home in ways that no other scenario in my life has. i have very rarely been shake-my-fist-at-God angry.
there was one time i was so angry at God AND myself because i accidentally gave Ethan 3x the dosage of medicine and we were worried that i poisoned him. i remember this so clearly. i was crying and i was on the kitchen floor on my hands and knees and i was punching the ground. but.... this was more being upset at my own stupidity than being angry at God.
yet, this time i found that i was talking, angrily, with God while driving. there was no audible response, or miraculous signs indicating God was replying to my rants. it was more like i was giving God a diatribe of emotion.
days later, i've calmed down and i've moved to repent, but as I have repented, I have not felt convicted.
under more scrutiny of the scritpure, it does not say "DO NOT be angry"... but "it actually says BE ANGRY". note that this is ESV, a more reliable translation that's closer to the original text. the NIV says "tremble". i like the ESV more in this circumtsance.
be. angry. and do not sin.
anger is such a tricky emotion. it is combustable, and can lead to so many divergnent outcomes. fire is much the same way. a controlled fire can be a vital light, saving warmth, cooking heat or even for comfort on a cold winters day. uncontrolled fire can rage and destroy everything in it's path.
my anger has led me to sin. i have critically broken the face of the immigration office, and i have napalmed the Visa processing office, and i have also brutally murdered some key individuals in my life... for that i have repented.
but as the Holy Spirit as my witness, i have no repented of my anger towards God. the only way this is possible is because i have still stubbornly and stoically held to the sovereignty of God. it is his will, but i am just trying to not sin with upholding the other part of scripture. being angry.
for my whole life i have shunned and forcibly pushed away the cancerous emotion, but now it seems i'm embracing it. my goal, much like with fire, is to harness it so that the Lord can use it for his glory.
my closing thought on this is that it is only the harnessed blazing fires of adversity do things truly become purified. i'm just doing it angry. But while not sinning.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Day 3: It's raining love
(if you're reading this and have no idea what i'm talking about, please go here to get an update on our situation. Also note this is day 3. Day 2 is here and please go here for day 0 & 1. )
we only sent one email, but on the winds of social media our situation reached Hong Kong, Canadian and American sands and people really went out of their way to pray for us, and to send their love.
you know, sometimes you expect certain things of people. like family for example, you expect certain things in certain ways. but with friends they can not always be relied on in the same way. well now, that's a little harsh so let me qualify that statement.
over the span of just 4 days since Janice got flagged at the border, we've received so much support, love and prayers from people. really it has been crazy. for me personally, i had highschool friends, highschool acquaintances, college friends and church friends all share support to us. people came out of the woodworks and it was amazing.
of course, with something as difficult as having your family separated the first few days are the most difficult. and this is exactly why love from anyone in any way whatsoever is literally like love falling down from the sky like rain.
even with something as small as a 'like' button, a reply tweet, a quick <140 character "we love U & R praying 4 U guyz"... these all have made such a huge difference to us. to me.
i think the hardest thing for me to deal with is pondering tomorrow. not like far future, but literally the next day. as in have no clue what to do with ethan to keep him engaged. i dont want to sit in front of the TV all day (he's watching Lion King as i type this... sigh). but it is an adventure to get him changed and ready to get out of the house. most times it's actually fine, but every now and then he remembers he's a toddler and he throws a tantrum. and to be honest, one tantrum can zap my strength for the whole day.
but then to offset all of this I get to speak and pray with janice, I also have all these emails/texts/fb messages reminding us that we are not alone. Even though many are miles away, people are standing with us.
in these times where any source of joy weighs heavier than ever before, i stand under a constant stream of love and encouragement. from my son, my wife, my family, my friends... it has absolutely humbled me.
thank you to one and all.
we only sent one email, but on the winds of social media our situation reached Hong Kong, Canadian and American sands and people really went out of their way to pray for us, and to send their love.
you know, sometimes you expect certain things of people. like family for example, you expect certain things in certain ways. but with friends they can not always be relied on in the same way. well now, that's a little harsh so let me qualify that statement.
over the span of just 4 days since Janice got flagged at the border, we've received so much support, love and prayers from people. really it has been crazy. for me personally, i had highschool friends, highschool acquaintances, college friends and church friends all share support to us. people came out of the woodworks and it was amazing.
of course, with something as difficult as having your family separated the first few days are the most difficult. and this is exactly why love from anyone in any way whatsoever is literally like love falling down from the sky like rain.
even with something as small as a 'like' button, a reply tweet, a quick <140 character "we love U & R praying 4 U guyz"... these all have made such a huge difference to us. to me.
i think the hardest thing for me to deal with is pondering tomorrow. not like far future, but literally the next day. as in have no clue what to do with ethan to keep him engaged. i dont want to sit in front of the TV all day (he's watching Lion King as i type this... sigh). but it is an adventure to get him changed and ready to get out of the house. most times it's actually fine, but every now and then he remembers he's a toddler and he throws a tantrum. and to be honest, one tantrum can zap my strength for the whole day.
but then to offset all of this I get to speak and pray with janice, I also have all these emails/texts/fb messages reminding us that we are not alone. Even though many are miles away, people are standing with us.
in these times where any source of joy weighs heavier than ever before, i stand under a constant stream of love and encouragement. from my son, my wife, my family, my friends... it has absolutely humbled me.
thank you to one and all.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Day 2: Careful what you ask for
(if you're reading this and have no idea what i'm talking about, please go here to get an update on our situation.
Also note this is day 2. please go here for day 0 & 1.)
since quitting my pastoral role back in Hong Kong, i moved from a 55 hr work week... to no work at all. needless to say, life changed. it was an amazingly good change, because i got to spend so much time with Ethan and Janice. it was great because i could be a father and a husband, instead of just working.
however, with that change came adjustment. my commute to work used to be about an hour, 1.5 if i took the train. i used to look forward to that time, and i came to rely on it for worship, quiet time, devotion, etc. many times i used it to just exhale and have space since sometimes it's crazy to have a baby at home.
no matter what i did, i could never give Janice those times alone like she gave me. i mean, for the first 14 months of Ethan's life Janice was breastfeeding so she really couldn't be away from ethan for more than a few hours. and even in the months after that, Ethan was clingy to his mom so it was a stretch for me to take him for any longer than half a day.
when we got to North America, my commute to school was a 5 min WALK, and i had no other time to myself. at first it was hard, but then i had good days. it was a see saw, but then i started to pout and get silly with God.
i would ask God... "i wish i could have my alone time back"
......
i think back to these moments, and i laugh at my stupidity. now i have all the alone time i can handle, and i hate it. i hate knowing that while i have alone time while ethan is sleeping, janice is 7 hours away wrestling with being away from her husband and son.
it goes to show that sometimes we are so selfish in our desires, that we ask for things from God that we should never have.... yet we do it repeatedly. and then we get angry at God when He does not deliver things that we shouldn't have? it seems like non-stop stupidity.
so what i'm learning from this situation, is to not pray my desires. i'm seeing this as the height of idolatry masked with Christian-speak. there's lots of this happening in the church. we tell God what we want, and then say Amen, and there it's sanctified.
nope.
out the desires of the heart does the mouth speak. and if all we ask are things for ourselves...?
so the moral story of today is that be careful what you ask for, because you just may get it. and then you'll be sorry. try, just once, to pray the desires of Jesus' heart. it's scary to do that, because the focus shifts from you, to your God. then perspective comes, and shows us Jesus' heart... and then, funnily enough, your desires change to that which can satisfy a carnal desire, to that of eternal significance.
thank you Lord that you are God, and I am not.
Also note this is day 2. please go here for day 0 & 1.)
since quitting my pastoral role back in Hong Kong, i moved from a 55 hr work week... to no work at all. needless to say, life changed. it was an amazingly good change, because i got to spend so much time with Ethan and Janice. it was great because i could be a father and a husband, instead of just working.
however, with that change came adjustment. my commute to work used to be about an hour, 1.5 if i took the train. i used to look forward to that time, and i came to rely on it for worship, quiet time, devotion, etc. many times i used it to just exhale and have space since sometimes it's crazy to have a baby at home.
no matter what i did, i could never give Janice those times alone like she gave me. i mean, for the first 14 months of Ethan's life Janice was breastfeeding so she really couldn't be away from ethan for more than a few hours. and even in the months after that, Ethan was clingy to his mom so it was a stretch for me to take him for any longer than half a day.
when we got to North America, my commute to school was a 5 min WALK, and i had no other time to myself. at first it was hard, but then i had good days. it was a see saw, but then i started to pout and get silly with God.
i would ask God... "i wish i could have my alone time back"
......
i think back to these moments, and i laugh at my stupidity. now i have all the alone time i can handle, and i hate it. i hate knowing that while i have alone time while ethan is sleeping, janice is 7 hours away wrestling with being away from her husband and son.
it goes to show that sometimes we are so selfish in our desires, that we ask for things from God that we should never have.... yet we do it repeatedly. and then we get angry at God when He does not deliver things that we shouldn't have? it seems like non-stop stupidity.
so what i'm learning from this situation, is to not pray my desires. i'm seeing this as the height of idolatry masked with Christian-speak. there's lots of this happening in the church. we tell God what we want, and then say Amen, and there it's sanctified.
nope.
out the desires of the heart does the mouth speak. and if all we ask are things for ourselves...?
so the moral story of today is that be careful what you ask for, because you just may get it. and then you'll be sorry. try, just once, to pray the desires of Jesus' heart. it's scary to do that, because the focus shifts from you, to your God. then perspective comes, and shows us Jesus' heart... and then, funnily enough, your desires change to that which can satisfy a carnal desire, to that of eternal significance.
thank you Lord that you are God, and I am not.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Day 0 & 1: TEARS
if you're reading this and have no idea what i'm talking about, please go here to get an update on our situation
it's hard for me to remember the moments when I cry, because they aren't the best of memories. granted, it doesn't happen very often, but they've been pretty hard times.
one time i was so upset and sad and angry about breaking up with janice, i cried on Ps Bob Strachan's shoulder for a good 10 minutes (which is an ETERNITY when you're a guy that's crying). it was when 180 was in the Ho Lee building, and i have no clue what the sermon was about, but all i knew was during ministry time i just broke, and i sobbed. Bob did nothing but pray silently, and i honestly thank God that he did nothing. the shoulder was what i needed. the great ending to this story is that janice and I married now. yay.
another time i cried my guts out was while watching Mel Gibson's The Passion of The Christ movie. it was 9am and i watched it with Mandy Lee because we got tickets to a special screening as we were church staff. yes, i sobbed, but it was for obvious reasons. and another time i fought back tears was when Janice and I found out that she had a hematoma in her uterus, and it threatened the young life of Ethan that was growing in her womb.
see? all not the best of memories.
but for the first time in a seemingly long time, i cried, but i couldn't even place the emotions, or reasons why. mainly because they were so many.
it was two nights ago, when Janice was bathing Ethan and then putting him to bed. It would be the last time she would do this for weeks, possibly months. the weight of the situation was dawning on me, and that the next morning i would driving Ethan away from his mom. possibly it was due to driving 12+ hours in the last 16 hrs prior to that moment. i was running on redbull and not much else. maybe it was because i was in the moment of woe-is-us...
but i was listening to janice speak with ethan, telling him she loves him. that daddy will take him home and mommy will stay to speak with the immigration people. janice was speaking slowly, ensuring that Ethan understood every word. i heard janice kissing Ethan and him laughing.
as i listened, i cried. i cried because i love my wife, and i love my son, but they have to be apart. granted we have so many things to ease the distance. text, facetime, skype... and we are only 6 hours away. but it was the physical touch that he will miss. it will be his mother's hugs, kisses and cheek pinching. he will miss it all.
i cried because i was so exhausted from this process, from the driving, from the stress. i cried because i was so upset at God. i was being selfish, but at that moment i wasn't trying to be Ghandi. i cried for many reasons.
i pulled myself together only to feel so tired that i almost fell asleep while doing the dishes. i went downstairs and lay in bed, and i read james. i read the whole book, and i was gritting my teeth. i KNEW what GOd was saying to me, it was so loud and clear.... but in my spirit i was saying to God can I just have this moment to be upset? just because i'm a pastor do i need to smile and put on a happy face? would it be right to put my situation in proper perspective and then compare our lives to the thousands of families that have been torn apart?
it was then that i fell asleep. i did not feel justified in my self-pity or anger, i just fell asleep.
the amazing thing was that the next morning when we drove off, Ethan was the strongest one out of all of us. he didn't cry any tears, and it was the fear of his tears that brought me to tears the night before.
during the 6hr drive back, i laughed at how the fear of tears could bring me to tears. in the end, God revealed His power, mercy and sovereignty even though it looked a bit murky for us. but at that moment, while my son was happily napping and i was driving through Seattle... i laughed. i didn't cry, but i laughed.
thank you Jesus.
it's hard for me to remember the moments when I cry, because they aren't the best of memories. granted, it doesn't happen very often, but they've been pretty hard times.
one time i was so upset and sad and angry about breaking up with janice, i cried on Ps Bob Strachan's shoulder for a good 10 minutes (which is an ETERNITY when you're a guy that's crying). it was when 180 was in the Ho Lee building, and i have no clue what the sermon was about, but all i knew was during ministry time i just broke, and i sobbed. Bob did nothing but pray silently, and i honestly thank God that he did nothing. the shoulder was what i needed. the great ending to this story is that janice and I married now. yay.
another time i cried my guts out was while watching Mel Gibson's The Passion of The Christ movie. it was 9am and i watched it with Mandy Lee because we got tickets to a special screening as we were church staff. yes, i sobbed, but it was for obvious reasons. and another time i fought back tears was when Janice and I found out that she had a hematoma in her uterus, and it threatened the young life of Ethan that was growing in her womb.
see? all not the best of memories.
but for the first time in a seemingly long time, i cried, but i couldn't even place the emotions, or reasons why. mainly because they were so many.
it was two nights ago, when Janice was bathing Ethan and then putting him to bed. It would be the last time she would do this for weeks, possibly months. the weight of the situation was dawning on me, and that the next morning i would driving Ethan away from his mom. possibly it was due to driving 12+ hours in the last 16 hrs prior to that moment. i was running on redbull and not much else. maybe it was because i was in the moment of woe-is-us...
but i was listening to janice speak with ethan, telling him she loves him. that daddy will take him home and mommy will stay to speak with the immigration people. janice was speaking slowly, ensuring that Ethan understood every word. i heard janice kissing Ethan and him laughing.
as i listened, i cried. i cried because i love my wife, and i love my son, but they have to be apart. granted we have so many things to ease the distance. text, facetime, skype... and we are only 6 hours away. but it was the physical touch that he will miss. it will be his mother's hugs, kisses and cheek pinching. he will miss it all.
i cried because i was so exhausted from this process, from the driving, from the stress. i cried because i was so upset at God. i was being selfish, but at that moment i wasn't trying to be Ghandi. i cried for many reasons.
i pulled myself together only to feel so tired that i almost fell asleep while doing the dishes. i went downstairs and lay in bed, and i read james. i read the whole book, and i was gritting my teeth. i KNEW what GOd was saying to me, it was so loud and clear.... but in my spirit i was saying to God can I just have this moment to be upset? just because i'm a pastor do i need to smile and put on a happy face? would it be right to put my situation in proper perspective and then compare our lives to the thousands of families that have been torn apart?
it was then that i fell asleep. i did not feel justified in my self-pity or anger, i just fell asleep.
the amazing thing was that the next morning when we drove off, Ethan was the strongest one out of all of us. he didn't cry any tears, and it was the fear of his tears that brought me to tears the night before.
during the 6hr drive back, i laughed at how the fear of tears could bring me to tears. in the end, God revealed His power, mercy and sovereignty even though it looked a bit murky for us. but at that moment, while my son was happily napping and i was driving through Seattle... i laughed. i didn't cry, but i laughed.
thank you Jesus.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Derek on jury duty pt2: "Do Not Sue"
"But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well."
As I sat down for jury duty, the first thing I wanted to know was what type of trial I was going to be a juror for. Will it be for some crazy murder trial or coffee spilling on someone's lap? I found out it was a civil case, with someone rear ending another and the person who got hit is suing for LOTS of money. As I heard the details of the whole case, I was struggling with this passage the whole time. What am I supposed to do as a bible-believing follower of Christ?
After studying this scripture in class, my prof gives a compelling case that these scriptures are an exaggeration, and we never intended for us to take literally. Now, I fundamentally disagreed, because I believe that there is application from these words of Jesus. I know that actually doing these things are difficult, dare I say impossible?
Regardless if one believes the sermon on the mount hyperbole (as my prof does), or it's guidelines for right living... I struggled.
We are called as followers of Christ to be instruments of grace. Why? Because we are recipients of grace, and it is entirely unmerited. So who are we to now stand on a position of judgment and demand retribution?
I am naive. In my heart, I wanted a Disney movie finish were there is singing a song together and everyone loves each other by the end of the trial. I know people were hurt, doctor bills added up, cars were wrecked. But can't we all just get along?
As I sat and heard the case, i became increasingly aware that what I was wanting was a personal preference, not a scriptural conviction.
As I slowly was able to put down my own desire for the court to turn into some Disney movie and for everyone to burst into song, I started to see that in this particular case, it was no longer about who was right or wrong, it was clearly all about the person getting hit now greedily trying to steal money from the person who hit him.
it was plain extortion and greed.
As the case proceeded i was increasingly angry at the plaintiff because he obviously wanted money and did not have a compelling argument to demand the money he was trying to extract from the person who hit him. It was then not about reconciliation but about preventing this person from taking advantage of another. Now the point of this is that Christians tend to just forgive and try to gush love. However there are times when we as Christians need to take a firm stand to protect the innocent.
Now, I'm treading on very thin ice here. If you really think about this scripture (turning the other cheek), how you respond to it will dictate how you view vengeance? anyways, for more on the outcome of the case, that will be in a later part. But let's park on this concept of vengeance.
Scripture states that vengeance belongs to the Lord, and Him alone. Him alone. This is why I don't see how people can scripturally defend war for oil...
In the end, I made a decision that was to protect the innocent from being exploited. There was a just response to the situation and I fought for it. I didn't do it because I was a pastor and I needed to show people Jesus. I choose to protect the innocent because i could not stand by and feign Christian love while one person is obviously being taken advantage of.
after 2 days of trial, just before the jury were allowed to talk about the case, i prayed. i remember that my specific prayer would be that justice would be done. what was amazing was that as the jury began to deliberate, i found that i was on common ground with the other jurors and we eventually came to a decision to protect the person being sued.
the details of the case aren't important, but want i wanted to share was i truly gained insight into tension between not suing, forgiving, and being a voice for the voiceless, and standing for what was right.
it was a small battle, but i felt that the lesson learned from it was worth the days in court.
As I sat down for jury duty, the first thing I wanted to know was what type of trial I was going to be a juror for. Will it be for some crazy murder trial or coffee spilling on someone's lap? I found out it was a civil case, with someone rear ending another and the person who got hit is suing for LOTS of money. As I heard the details of the whole case, I was struggling with this passage the whole time. What am I supposed to do as a bible-believing follower of Christ?
After studying this scripture in class, my prof gives a compelling case that these scriptures are an exaggeration, and we never intended for us to take literally. Now, I fundamentally disagreed, because I believe that there is application from these words of Jesus. I know that actually doing these things are difficult, dare I say impossible?
Regardless if one believes the sermon on the mount hyperbole (as my prof does), or it's guidelines for right living... I struggled.
We are called as followers of Christ to be instruments of grace. Why? Because we are recipients of grace, and it is entirely unmerited. So who are we to now stand on a position of judgment and demand retribution?
I am naive. In my heart, I wanted a Disney movie finish were there is singing a song together and everyone loves each other by the end of the trial. I know people were hurt, doctor bills added up, cars were wrecked. But can't we all just get along?
As I sat and heard the case, i became increasingly aware that what I was wanting was a personal preference, not a scriptural conviction.
As I slowly was able to put down my own desire for the court to turn into some Disney movie and for everyone to burst into song, I started to see that in this particular case, it was no longer about who was right or wrong, it was clearly all about the person getting hit now greedily trying to steal money from the person who hit him.
it was plain extortion and greed.
As the case proceeded i was increasingly angry at the plaintiff because he obviously wanted money and did not have a compelling argument to demand the money he was trying to extract from the person who hit him. It was then not about reconciliation but about preventing this person from taking advantage of another. Now the point of this is that Christians tend to just forgive and try to gush love. However there are times when we as Christians need to take a firm stand to protect the innocent.
Now, I'm treading on very thin ice here. If you really think about this scripture (turning the other cheek), how you respond to it will dictate how you view vengeance? anyways, for more on the outcome of the case, that will be in a later part. But let's park on this concept of vengeance.
Scripture states that vengeance belongs to the Lord, and Him alone. Him alone. This is why I don't see how people can scripturally defend war for oil...
In the end, I made a decision that was to protect the innocent from being exploited. There was a just response to the situation and I fought for it. I didn't do it because I was a pastor and I needed to show people Jesus. I choose to protect the innocent because i could not stand by and feign Christian love while one person is obviously being taken advantage of.
after 2 days of trial, just before the jury were allowed to talk about the case, i prayed. i remember that my specific prayer would be that justice would be done. what was amazing was that as the jury began to deliberate, i found that i was on common ground with the other jurors and we eventually came to a decision to protect the person being sued.
the details of the case aren't important, but want i wanted to share was i truly gained insight into tension between not suing, forgiving, and being a voice for the voiceless, and standing for what was right.
it was a small battle, but i felt that the lesson learned from it was worth the days in court.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Derek on jury duty pt1: "Constitutional Right"
Honestly, this may offend you. And if it does, I'm terribly sorry and I apologize for the offense but....
I don't give a crap about being American, I don't care about the constitution nor the bill of rights. I don't ever fly the flag, I can't sing the anthem, I don't know the pledge of allegiance. I don't know what the score of the miracle on ice was, I don't know who and what started the civil war, I haven't ever voted for a president, and I haven't ever paid taxes (because I've not made enough, not because I'm avoiding it)
Sooooo, when I arrived at courthouse and a judge gave the introduction to the 'trial by jury' concept, he used terms I just did not use on a normal basis. It was the term "constitutional right". We fought for this in the civil war and our founding fathers saw that it was so vital to American future that they included it in the declaration of independence.
I sat there puking into my own mouth.
Then the judge wrapped up and asked for questions. A lady stood up and said,"thank you for allowing us to uphold the declaration of independence and to exercise our constitutional right of a trial by jury."
Are you kidding me? I almost heard a drum line and trumpet blasting in the background. Did she even have a question? No! She should ended her "question" with "America the Beautiful".
I was recovering from my sickness and I looked around while this women was celebrating the stars and stripes, and a whole lot of other people around us were nodding, smiling and when she started to choke up with tears, people were right there crying with her.
In the famous words of Mugatu in the final moments of Zoolander, he exclaimed, "Am I the only one not taking crazy pills?!?!"
I have recently studied a snippet of American history, and while I haven't looked at it in great depth I have a foundational understanding of the gravity of the founding of America. But nationalism is something that I fundamentally frown upon? Why? Because all people do is want rape, pillage and exploit those who are not of the same nation.
I guess the other issue is that as someone who has lived over half his life outside of America, I understand that people outside of America... Really dont like Americans.
Yep, it's true. Americans who are patriots and act on their manifest destiny of spreading the teachings of America, are really disliked. Even disdained...
So what's this post about? It's about how far removed I am from the ideals of this country. But I was honestly surprised at how much rhetoric was thrown around during the briefing. I didn't buy it, but I also understand that other countries don't have trails by jury and it's not fair.
Sigh, maybe I'm just a grumpy old man who just find ways to complain about everything.
So this was my introduction to my experience as a juror. I actually loved it, but it was safe to say that it didn't start off well....
Till part 2.
I don't give a crap about being American, I don't care about the constitution nor the bill of rights. I don't ever fly the flag, I can't sing the anthem, I don't know the pledge of allegiance. I don't know what the score of the miracle on ice was, I don't know who and what started the civil war, I haven't ever voted for a president, and I haven't ever paid taxes (because I've not made enough, not because I'm avoiding it)
Sooooo, when I arrived at courthouse and a judge gave the introduction to the 'trial by jury' concept, he used terms I just did not use on a normal basis. It was the term "constitutional right". We fought for this in the civil war and our founding fathers saw that it was so vital to American future that they included it in the declaration of independence.
I sat there puking into my own mouth.
Then the judge wrapped up and asked for questions. A lady stood up and said,"thank you for allowing us to uphold the declaration of independence and to exercise our constitutional right of a trial by jury."
Are you kidding me? I almost heard a drum line and trumpet blasting in the background. Did she even have a question? No! She should ended her "question" with "America the Beautiful".
I was recovering from my sickness and I looked around while this women was celebrating the stars and stripes, and a whole lot of other people around us were nodding, smiling and when she started to choke up with tears, people were right there crying with her.
In the famous words of Mugatu in the final moments of Zoolander, he exclaimed, "Am I the only one not taking crazy pills?!?!"
I have recently studied a snippet of American history, and while I haven't looked at it in great depth I have a foundational understanding of the gravity of the founding of America. But nationalism is something that I fundamentally frown upon? Why? Because all people do is want rape, pillage and exploit those who are not of the same nation.
I guess the other issue is that as someone who has lived over half his life outside of America, I understand that people outside of America... Really dont like Americans.
Yep, it's true. Americans who are patriots and act on their manifest destiny of spreading the teachings of America, are really disliked. Even disdained...
So what's this post about? It's about how far removed I am from the ideals of this country. But I was honestly surprised at how much rhetoric was thrown around during the briefing. I didn't buy it, but I also understand that other countries don't have trails by jury and it's not fair.
Sigh, maybe I'm just a grumpy old man who just find ways to complain about everything.
So this was my introduction to my experience as a juror. I actually loved it, but it was safe to say that it didn't start off well....
Till part 2.
Labels:
jury,
reflection,
USA
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