*shhhhhhhh*

So secretly I've been wanting to blog for a while but never really got round to it. Now with some free time I've decided it's time.

Life has been absolutely amazing. Ethan is almost 4 months and it's just amazing to see him learning new things like laughing and turning over. I love it.

What's also been crazy is the development of my role. I've really latched on to the word that the lord has given me to release. Meaning to trust more in Him and in the people He has placed in my life. I think doing this has been as difficult a it's been rewarding.

I think at the core of who I am, I like to control things, or I like to feel that my opinion counts towards something. I've studied that this is a veer natural human need. And as I come to more and more situations where I have NO control, I cone face to face with the situation of trust or loose.

So yes. My updat is that I am releasing an trusting more with my life. In many ways it's amazing, but not easy.

Just like getting back into blogging.

Till next time.

:hey there buddy:

So I was about to leave the toilet when in the door comes Chris Tomlin.

"hey there buddy" he says.

Now, at this point Tomlin knows that I'm on ledership team, as the blue shirt and pass says so, and no doubt he was being a good worship leader and trying to reach out to the local team.

Now, I sometimes get weirdly star struck sometimes. Not becaus I'm enamored by the person, but more because I know how I want to be treated when I go abroad.

I've been the 'big shot' a few times before, and everytime I've connected with our hosts is when they just chill.

With that experience I was determined to do the same with my new bossom buddy, chris tomlin.

So, when tomlin patted me on the shoulder and said what's up, I said this...

"uhgg ahhh uhhh, ohh..."

Then I walked through the door.

I'm such a tool....

:dude, where's my blog?:

I'm just testing to see If I can update my blog from my phone.

As you can tell from the number of my recent posts, I love my new iPhone. There are a few things I don't like but there are many more that i love.

Anyways, let's test this baby out and the I'll post a real post....

:Timeout Competition:

so Timeout do these competitions and i've always wanted to enter. deep inside i feel like that i have talent to write silly but somewhat engaging prose. i'm bias, this i am well aware, but hey.. this is my blog, so bite me. anyways, here's my answer and i hope i win!

Q: In 50 words or less, tell us what your favourite style of music is, and why.

For decades I have caused men and woman to join arms, to prance in unison, to cross language and cultural divides.

I can be seen in bars, or fields. On a weekend out, or daytime over a picnic.

Young and old I welcome all to join in my tunes, tap their feet and shakes their hips.

The strings sing my direction, the joy abounds, laughter always follows me.

I am... The Irish Jig.

:love?:

so on monday i went to gym. (i know, SO blogworthy) but what happened at the door to my clubhouse was this grandma type person who was absolutely pissed off. like really ticked. she came out while i was on the way in and then before i walked in i heard her start a full on curse-fest. i turned around to see what was going on, and i was shocked.

there was a small girl, must have been about 5 yrs old, with their helper.

The grandma full on cussed out both the helper and then child. it was all in canto, but if translated it was a flurry of f-bombs and ridiculously mean things... she was in the face of her 5 year old granddaughter telling her that she was f'ing no good and worthless all because they made her wait or something stupid like that. it was intense because it was complete with granny throwing her bags on the ground, finger in the chest, hitting the girl on the arm... very agro.

i was shocked at the whole scene... but when shock was over, anger seeped in.

this gave me the extra umph needed to complete my workout, but i really couldn't get over the harsh words spoken to someone who wasn't even old enough to cross a street on their own. also, the poor helper was just doing her job... and what did she get for it? an angry chinese grandmother yelling at her.

i've been in christian ministry for over 4 years and so many problems in adult life stem from crap that happens when children hear damning words from an adult, especially from family.

as i take this continued path down towards becoming a father, i've been super sensitive to circumstances like this, and the more that i experience, then more that i'm hoping and praying that the Lord keeps me on a path that leads me to be a good husband and father... not a raging hypocrite that looks for a reason to throw f-bombs at the world. (i've been doing that a little bit, but more on that in another post)

so, the lesson for today is don't become an old angry chinese woman. take a deep breath and chill... you know?

chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllll.

otherwise you'll be like my friend here below..

:the mind, and the beliefs:

as janice and mojo are quietly snuggled up next to me in a wonderous afternoon nap, i'm sitting on my sofa contemplating the human mind, society as an evolved entity and what place religion has in it.

i think it would be safe to say that as soon as humans developed language beyond grunts and snorts, they must have asked the question "what happens after we die..." and then someone looked up from their meal and countered, "but where did we come from...?"

over the weekend i was sitting through a series of talks by a guest speaker from india who gave some great talks about the promise and deception of Yoga. i wasn't really looking forward to this, but after the first 15 minutes, i realised that i was hearing more about the impact of Hinduism than of yoga.

if you couple my weekend with my other recent week of an introduction to Theology, it's been a mind bender. i've loved the extent of the teaching, because it's stretched my mind beyond where i have been before. it's an entirely welcomed change from the more run of the mill stuff, a lah hillsong.

what simple conclusions i've come to is that the human mind is amazing. with the ability to think, comes an ability to imagine. and that ability to imagine gives us a chance to consider things that our logic can't explain. the secular argument is that religion is just the overactive imagination to provide a dream for people to live for.

you see, in a world study of those who actually declared an answer, 87% of the worlds population said they believe in some sort of religion... and it's roughly believed that around 35% of that 87 believes in God, and Jesus as Lord and savior.

i've lived in a type of bubble. meaning that i've not really done due diligence in understanding what the other religions are teaching and believe. not the best approach, but my argument is that i'm still trying to wrap my head around my own beliefs, there's no more room in the inn for anything else.

what this doctor was teaching was that Hinduism goes down a path that i can try to sum up as self actualisation.... what is actualised is that we are all one... we are all God.

i've known some incredibly strong new age practitioners, and free-mind types... like my own mother for one. they all share a particular type of smugness... it's the... "i'm SO advanced in my beliefs that it just shows Christianity as a dated, insignificant boring set of rules." then discussion becomes difficult as i'm always face to face with someone who seems to know everything about anything and then they humor because i've such a simple belief system.

i guess what i'm saying is that when people are so into yoga, or new age, or reiki or whatever.. it's the ultimate goal that they can manipulate energy. in yoga, you can achieve inner peace, while being very healthy. with reiki, you manipulate energy to heal with your own hands. with new age, you channel energy and spirits for your own benefit.

i've noticed such a huge focus on the self. like the ultimate goal is to have power. the doctor also taught that this is exactly like what the serpent was tempting adam and eve with... eat this and you be like God....

"to be like God..."

if this is the ultimate teaching of Hinduism, or the end goal of new age... isn't that amazing that God outlined this lie in the first book of the bible?

yet at the heart of a relationship with Jesus, it's about love. sacrificial love that says i can not sit back and be quiet if injustice or inequality is rampant. i can not be comfortable if there are people around suffering. and i dont do this because i need to atone for my bad karma or because i need to. i do it because i have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus and i desire to see that freedom and forgiveness spread through this whole world.

yet if that's truly what i believe... or what WE believe... why dont we do it?

:fear of fatherhood...:

so over the last 24 hours i saw two children of a man who is very "on fire" for the Lord. The type of "on fire" that used to make me cringe and be a little ashamed of being Christian. I know that you know what i'm talking about, so i wont go into detail. the thing that kind of made me feel a little uneasy was that he, and his wife are really lovers of Jesus... like he started a home church, and is the type of person that everyone in the city knows. "oh yeah, that's so-and-so, great heart for the Lord!"

but lets talk about their kids. i think that there are only 3 of them, but all three have gone off the rails and are completely, absolutely, not wanting anything to do with Jesus Christ. it's not like they're very chill, and atheist... they have literally gone off the rails and are struggling with different types of addictions that are arguably destroying their lives.

yes i'm judging them, but i'm honestly only observing from a pastoral standpoint.. that in this family, the parents love the Lord and the kids hate the Lord.

as Janice and i prepare for parenthood, there are a few things that we really fear. oftentimes, we play an unhealthy game of "what if..." and honestly, that game, if there's no line drawn, can digress to pinpoint deep fears that we have as followers of Christ and as human beings.

As a husband, i know the scriptures in the bible that talks of being a spiritual head of the house and holding responsibility for my wife. for the record, janice doesn't need me to spiritually hold her hand and move her forwards with the Lord, so that's been great. I mean, we can obviously be closer to the Lord, but we still encourage each other in the Lord. HOWEVER, janice is a grown woman and for as i long as i've known her she's been in a relationship with the Lord.

in a few months, our son will be relying on us and us alone to see God.

as a pastor, i get a glimpse of this. it's kind of the same thing... i seek Christ out and as i hear His leading in my life, i share what i hear with my young adults. in some very small ways i am responsible for the spiritual growth of some young adults. it's not entirely up to me, because they are grown and mature people... they can find Jesus on their own. "follow my example as i follow Christ..." is something i live to, but i know for a fact that there is grace because they are supposed to test every word from my mouth.

but it's different with a child... my OWN child.

this child will completely rely on janice and I this child lives with us. he will see all our faults, all the things we don't do, or don't live up to. i can't hide behind a pulpit. i can't run away from everyone in the church and hide on my day off... our Son will be searching for God and the first point of contact will be Janice and I....

i was given a piece of advice from a friend, and she said this... "If i could change one thing on how i raised my kids, it would be teach them as soon as possible to fear the Lord. That impacts everything."

Having a fear for the Lord will impact everything.

this has really stuck with me... and in the few months before our son pops out and draws his first breath... Janice and i gearing up in prayer to not only raise a child, but raise a follower of Christ. We have decided already that no matter how hard it will be, we'll do what we can and love our son as Jesus loves us.... unconditional is the word. i expect that i am only just beginning to understand what this word actually means...

so as the weeks continue to unravel, and my wife's bump grows into more of a watermelon... i am faced with a plethora of feelings... some good, some not so good. every day it's elation and fear all wrapped into one...

but really, all i can think is...

i can't bloody wait! woohoooo!!!!!