:thoughts @ starbucks:

life is rather strange here. It is my day off, and due to the hammer and drilling from the flat above us, we've been forced to relocate to starbucks for the afternoon.

Life has begun its inevitable course yet again. Finally work is back on a normal schedule and we have our full staff together for the first time in months. Joy.

What can I say? A life less ordinary....

so i'm reading a book called developing the leader within you and I had to put it down in disgust. Not because anything the author wrote, but rather entirely due to my short comings. You see, i'm completely convinced that I'm not the leader I could be... Reading a chapter on integrity has floored me. Yes yes yes... I am hard on myself, but I know the dreams and desires the Lord placed on my heart... And yet sometimes... Well.. I just simply make mistakes.

I'm not talking major moral lapses or anything like that.. I'm talking little things, things that shouldn't be said, wrong attitudes, wayward thoughts... I hate that...

The bottom line is this. I am painfully human, and sometimes I feel like my life is under a microscope when you lead over a 100 people. There are some days where people leave my ministry solely based on something negative I've done... And for each person that has done that, it has left a mark on my spirit... Sure I've seen a lot of success in the last year, but I've also tasted bitter failure in others.

That's why i'm so thankful for the grace of God, and the quality of the people around me. There are demands on people in leadership that really destroy the spirit if left unchecked... But dealing with theses things are never a walk in the park.

so, with a familiar feeling of failure laced success, I'm ready for whatever this year is going to throw at me. I'm currently staring at a win-win situation and it makes me smile. I have a quiet confidence that I don't need to be perfect, yet I have got that unquenchable thirst to be excellent at what I do... A good mix if you ask me.

so that's where i stand for the beginning of 2006. standy, willling, scared, full of vision, and excited.

bring it on.


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