:the mirror:

today i went up against myself.. and i lost.

walking back from my part time job, i always take a path that goes through the high powered financial sector of Hong Kong.. the HK version called wallstreet. you can just feel the money oozing from most of these people. no joke. it's weird. since i'm a volunteer.. i can't really hang with these cats. trust me.. it's a good thing.

but today, in the middle of my walk. my stroll.. i see out of the corner of my mind, an old classmate. american girl... attractive, atleast back then. i'm talking... almost 10 years ago. more like 8.... super popular, super loved, not the brightest, but knew how to be loved by other good looking girls.. i remembered her.. as the one who was really not that bright. she was diagnosed was ADD.. and was given hours extra on exams. although i really didn't think she did.. because.. well.. i was her classmate for oh.... 5 years... i didnt' notice anything more than an average student. tom's brother was dyslexic.. he was given oh... something ridiculous like 13 extra minutes.. where this girl had ADD.... and was given hours. how does that work?

so where am i going with this? well.. my initial reaction was to cover my face, let my shaved head and my lacking hairline shield me from the person she remembered.


i am.. was really just not wanting to say hello to an old high school friend? did i now want to tell her that... yes.. i'm a college dropout, i'm working as a volunteer, and i'm scared? nono... i dont take money from my parents... how do i live? oh, people donate.. i have a small part time job... i get by... i only recieve what i need, and nothing more. maybe i just didnt' want her to judge me since it was mid-day and i was dressed like a dance instructor and she was in a suit.

after she passed me by with no incident... i thought it was more me looking down on myself, rather than anything that this girl could say or judge. that made me upset... like i wasn't ok with the position i happily placed myself in? was i just taking all the surface, superficial things into account... and not the spiritual in?

i know that in the end, what i do is from and for God. i made a decision based on my heart, my prayers... not my career path or financial gain. i know that in the end, no matter how much i have at the end of my time on earth, all of my treasures are in heaven.. i do this because i love my lord...

but then... when it really counts, i hid all that under a rock, and said.. dont look at me.. dont even see me.

or maybe i was just too lazy... i dunno....


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