:roller coaster:

i think life for me is like a roller coaster ride. seriously. like a super roller coaster.

i'm here.. at my office.. quarter to 2am. i've been here since 10am.. and now it's 1am.. i've calculated that i wont be able to leave until at least 3am... that means i would've been in the vine centre for almost 17 hours of this day. i'll be back here by 8am tomorrow, till 12.... so.. from friday morning at 10am, to sunday 12 pm is 50 hours.. of that 50, i would've spent 30 hours here.. wow.

so.. time aside, i love what i'm doing. i love the fact that i can be a minister of the Lord's holy spirit, not because i know a lot, or because i was given authority, but because i was given grace. i guess there is no formula for a good 180.. not that tonight was any better or any worse... but sometimes, my feeling interprets things differently.

what i'm saying was that tonight, the vibe was on.

how blessed am i? i mean, i have been chosen by god.. and sometimes i screw up.. in fact, i screwed up major tonight on numerous occasions.. but then.. i guess that's why there's such thing as grace.. otherwise.. i'd most def not be here.

but like the title of this post says.. it's a roller coaster. people see me and comment on how i've been tired a lot more lately. yes.. it's true... i would say the constant weight of having to lead has aged me, slowed me down a little bit, and has helped me see my own life in a different light. that light shows me as incapable, as incompetent, as unsuccessful leader possible that god could've chosen. but then, i KNOW without a doubt that Jesus has something for me, and he's using my amazing lack of everything to lead my fellow peers. i'm less. he's lots. cool.

"you're rather young to lead this group aren't you?"

it's pretty funny. i hear that on a constant basis... every week.. sometimes twice. everyone seems to want to know my age.. they see me on stage, then they chat with me afterwards and they always double take me... YOU"RE 25?!!?? haha..

so i introduced myself to someone today and he asked me about my spiritual upbringing. "what seminary did you attend?", who is discipling you? what is your role in your church? aren't you young to be leader this ministry?

after a couple lines of small talk, i decided i wasn't about to try and make myself seem any more holy to this guy just because i felt like i should've. when i became a follower of Jesus Christ.. i told Him no compromise.. nothing in terms of my age, my status, nor my spiritual development.. observe me, my heart and my being.. if you don't like it, you don't have come here.

i was challenged today to point people away from me, and on to Jesus. it was something that God has never said to me, but i realise that it was needed. i think that recently i've been carrying a burden that if "I" wasn't good enough, or if "i" didn't prepare enough, or if "I" didn't lead well... people wouldn't come..

what a load of BS... now I know.

Jesus is the prize... a relationship with the everlasting. nothing else.. no good curry night, no great wonderful music time, nor an entertaining talk is going to keep people.. the holy spirit is.. the lasting beautiful and amazing love and grace that the Lord offers to all who ask.. that is the prize.. and that is what i need to make sure people understand. no.. it wasn't a revelation.. it was a transformation. and with that transformation. i pray that god will move.. and challenge the hearts of ALL who attend 180.


if only they could hear you Lord as i hear you.. if only they caught on to the spirit, the elation, the joy which you have given me as leader.. if only Lord they could understand the Grace you have given me... if only all could come into a wonderful and amazing relationship with you... Lord, reveal yourself to the young adults around me, reveal yourself through the wonderful hearts of the servants in 180.. Lord it is not I who has saved them.. but you.. and now is the time for ALL to know.. use us, use me Lord.. thank you Jesus.


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