:Lord of Lords, take my life:

Have you ever stopped and asked:

"where are we going?"

That's what I've been asking God a lot these days. You see, I'm a believer that God really wants to guide our lives, but since he can't really take over our minds and literally drive us.. He leaves the final decision to us.

That's why the world is so screwed up.

I'm learning a lot these days about what it means to be the head of a household. What it means to be a man, what it means to be the head, what it means to really love. All these things we think we know, but really we don't. There are exceptions, but until I actually sat down and had pre-marital counselling, I thought I knew it all... but really didn't know anything at all

So this is where I am. 21 days till i'm a married man and I'm still learning so much. I'm glad. But it's not just about the wedding. I'm also asking the same question about 180, the vine, my small group, and also for the discipleship direction of 180.

"where ARE we going, God?"

I've found that in my very few months of leading a ministry that it's just too enticing to building a ministry around the strength and gifts of man. I honestly have enough charisma, enough desire and enough passion to make the whole ministry follow me. I could build a group of people who do what I say, with all of their abilities and all their energy.

Good thing this is not what God wants. otherwise it would be disastrous. really.

I've been stopped by God last week and really had to face up to the fact that I am not a strong enough disciple of the Lord to continue the way we are going to ever really succeed in the Lord's eyes. I can make an army of trained zombies to allow me to just boss them around. The lord has said to me that my position and title was only given to me because in me the Lord saw someone who had the POTENTIAL to follow the lord in a way that would give him glory. It wasn't that I was necessarily already achieving that potential.


This is basically a pride issue, as I found that EVERY SINGLE MALE deals with whether they admit it or not. God has over these past few months, grinded me into the stone, saying this is what I need you to become so that I can be glorified. it is a process that begun recently, and will continue for as long as i'm on this planet.

"Where are we GOING, lord?"

So here I am, ready to say to God that I sacrifice all that I have built, my altar that is 180, and I say Lord... Take it. It is yours. I refuse to hold on to it with such a strong grip. But in faith I say to Lord... Take it.

Not just 180 though. My marriage, my life, my being, my ministry, my future and.. Well.. Me. take ME Lord... grind me into the stone.. and in the place of a destroyed pride, make my identity, my being.. make me. all i am, i give to you......


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