have you ever done something to just stick out? to be different? i'm sure we've all done something, and then felt weird when everyone notices it. like what... well.... lets see. acting sily when in a big group, a-la-make fun of someone in front of everyone style... that's something... what about dressing up, eg. big phat jeans, or for ladies, excessive make-up? how about dying hair? tattoos? smoke? roll on E? what about other less bad stuff... dance crazy? flow real good? great baller? okokokokok.. so you get the point. question is... is it for yourself or for others to see?

now do you get the point?

before becoming chrsitian i did a lot of things to stick out. hair do's with dye, tatoo, smoke, roll, ball, dance, step, swear, man..... even talking loud, being funny... i did all these things... not for myself, but so that other people will define who i am.

that sucks.

it's taken a long time of healing from God, and time away for me to really understand how fragile your own personality is when you take away all the crap that you have going for yourself. i realized this, that one day, i'm going to be up with Gob, BUTT naked, no possesions, no accolades, no friends to no vouch for me, no dance tapes, no fraternity letters, just me and One on High. then what... am i gonna say, but God, "i know that i had cool hair? or what about that time i danced crazy on stage and everyone went nuts?" somehow i dont think God will be impressed.

i never had this feeling of being "The Man" more than when i was in college. now that i look back, i realize that i was more "Da dumbass" than anything else. but there's grace.. and forgiveness. hear my words as i've already been through the fire. believe me friend... it hurt.

so check yourself hommie... what you do should be for you... dont let anyone else but yourself judge who YOU are. when you figure this all out, give a big thanks to GOD for being so undertanding, then put that smile back on your face.


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