:shaken:
at the end of worship today, we had some terrible news. One of the children in our Church has leukemia. one of the children i teach for prime time. i know his parents, i know his little sister, his own father thanked me for helping take care of his kids.. last month i fed the little guy his lunch cuz he was making a mess all over his face. his mom asked me to babysit whenever i had time....
now he has lukemia. he's what. 5 years old?
we dont know what type, so it may not be life threatening... but i was sitting there, the words of Tony's prayers were not even registering in my head. i was caught in a moment where i think ANY CHRISTIAN would or has gone through...
"why God?"
for that one moment.. i forgot my years of ministry, my position in the church, my title, my own experiences... for one moment in the church this morning i was fighting with god because i knew with all my heart that this one little boy did not in any deserve this to happen to him. so many thoughts.. racing... why not me? why would an innocent child deserve something like this? why would you allow this god?
it must've have lasted for a minute, but felt like it was much much longer.
at the end of the song, my mind started to go blank. and i began to go numb in my heart. but as we finished praying for him and the family... i felt that god was reminding me that His perfect Will will prevail. i did not feel encouraged, or close to happy... but i knew God's word.. and that was enough to get me out of that numbness and continue on with my day. it's been on my mind and heart all day, but what can i do? nothing except believe and pray...
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him...
at the end of worship today, we had some terrible news. One of the children in our Church has leukemia. one of the children i teach for prime time. i know his parents, i know his little sister, his own father thanked me for helping take care of his kids.. last month i fed the little guy his lunch cuz he was making a mess all over his face. his mom asked me to babysit whenever i had time....
now he has lukemia. he's what. 5 years old?
we dont know what type, so it may not be life threatening... but i was sitting there, the words of Tony's prayers were not even registering in my head. i was caught in a moment where i think ANY CHRISTIAN would or has gone through...
"why God?"
for that one moment.. i forgot my years of ministry, my position in the church, my title, my own experiences... for one moment in the church this morning i was fighting with god because i knew with all my heart that this one little boy did not in any deserve this to happen to him. so many thoughts.. racing... why not me? why would an innocent child deserve something like this? why would you allow this god?
it must've have lasted for a minute, but felt like it was much much longer.
at the end of the song, my mind started to go blank. and i began to go numb in my heart. but as we finished praying for him and the family... i felt that god was reminding me that His perfect Will will prevail. i did not feel encouraged, or close to happy... but i knew God's word.. and that was enough to get me out of that numbness and continue on with my day. it's been on my mind and heart all day, but what can i do? nothing except believe and pray...
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him...
Lord God, even though my heart is so weak, please allow me to see the good in this situation... please send your spirit to help this boy, and his whole family. please god.. i know not what to do or say, but i commit him into your hands. please lord, on his behalf i cry out for mercy, and your precense. please Lord... reveal yourself now... in your beautiful name i place my hope and faith
-amen
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