... i always write about heavy stuff.

so in a flash, i start my new life. my first class starts on wednesday next week. i'm on call, which means i have to have at least 8 8-counts before that day. i haven't even picked my song yet. i get butterflies thinking about it now... 8 days away... i sign my contract tomorrow, which is when i get my keys to the studio... keys to a studio which i had a part in making... i helped paint, i helped buy the lights, i'm picking some of the music, and i helped with the layout and floor plans... this is crazy.. like a dream come true.... the only difference is that in my dreams i'm 20 pounds lighter, pretty cut with denzel looks, and i back up dance for Janet. other than that, this is what my brain makes me see while my real body drools and snores.

on a completely random side note, a starbucks opened up in the subway station on the way to work. this has caused me to, overnight, develop a 30HKD (3.50 USD) habit. but the cool thing is that they know my order. they see me walk to the counter and i dont have to say anything. they just get me my drink, i drop in some tip, and i'm on my way. such friendship... such loyalty... it's only been open for 2 weeks.. and i'm a regular. it's like the bakery that's next to my office.. for about 16 months i've come in and grabbed breakfast. they know me too... no one knows my name, but they all say hi... every morning. they comment on my dress sense, completion, hairstyle and the amount i eat. for some reason, these people have been infinitely more inviting than going to a bible study or fellowship where all i get is "are you ok?", or "you dont look so happy, what's wrong?". for 16 months i have on average 2 minutes a day with these people... never have we once asked for any names, yet right now, i enjoy and treasure that time more than my 'friends'.... am i weird? running? scared? or just tired of putting on that fake smile when all i want to do is turn around and run away?

all i know is that 2 minutes is enough time for me to check which stuff is fresh and still hot, and then it's also enough time for them to collectively make a statement and reinforce it, depending on the severity of the observation. one of the best to date was when i was buying my breads, and she said, "you have alot of pimples today." then the 2 other girls overheard, came over and all murmured agreement, while pointing out where they were and asked if i needed help to pop them. that one particular day outranks the time they all came together and decided that my shirt choice was not very good, or the other time when they all commented on how much food i eat and how fat i was. but for some strange reason, these days i smile a genuine smile at these comments... and i even welcome them... more than the "are you okay's" of church events.

maybe i'm growing away from my people person days. i'm beginning to cherish without a doubt time to spend alone... and every day i dread seeing anyone. i'd rather walk home alone then stay and eat with the group. if everyone's doing this, i'd rather do that. laying the foundation of who you are in the judgment of others seems to me now shallow, yet i now know this is what i did for... welll... my whole life. so now, i want to know myself. with my close friendships all now pushed to arms length, everyone has backed off. i have this wall around me now which has windows but no doors. it's like i'm taking a break from the outside world to really take a look at the world on the inside. the things that Jesus has shown me since my journey began has been surprising.. and sometimes revolting... but it's like my spring cleaning.... like i'm a banana.... you peel off the layers... then you look at the meat on the inside... but then the actual banana is bruised, black and blue all over... so you cut off the bad parts... eventually you're satisfied with the left overs... ..... ... ....that was the worst analogy i could have possibly made. man... i need to read more books or something.. that was really crap. spring cleaning and then banana? it's no wonder that i'm still sophomore standing right now... geez... maybe i'm better off writing haikus or something...

anyways, y'all know what i mean... gotta go work. oh, and i choose sac over slakers in 6. Cwebb is the man with a plan.


Popular Posts