hmmm... blogger has changed... i'm so behind in this world. everything seems to be flashing bye... i work, then do something, then sleep. the joys of being me.

my life revolves around Monday to Friday 6-11, and the weekend. doesn't that say something to you? everyone has things in their lives that they fill their extra time with. for some, it's a sport, playstation, gym, friends, computer games, clubbing... for me, it's God.

i am a christian that believes that my life is forfiet to whatever God's will is. yet i spend the most productive times of every week trying to allow some currupt moral-less man make more money so he can spend on his ridiculous lifestyle, and so i can see a paycheck. it is something that i have lived with for almost 3 years, and now it seems that i am beginning to see the light. or beginning to open my eyes. it depends how you look at it. i am refusing to work for him. i am refusing to work for the paycheck. i am refusing to support him when i see the direct result of my hard work... expensive wine, cars, longdistance phone calls to polish girlfriend, newest camera/phone/computer/toys.... not for me. all for my boss. months ago when my boss and i had a talk about my productivity, i felt that i needed to not work for him and to work as though i were working for God. that season has passed, and now i realise that my feeling crap everyday is not because i am being a bad worker, but because it's time to move on.

but what to?

I have a faith-deficiency when it comes to my 'job'. I, an acomplished ex-drug abuser and college drop-out, was so amazed that God decided to give me a job for so long and one of such caliber, yet i cling on to it as though I actually did something to deserve it. hmph. how silly of me. yet after 29 paychecks that have seen me through my worst, then best times... i have built my comfort zone on this very thing that i never should have had in the first place. now, i feel that my discomfort at my situation is God saying to me... this was mine to bless, now it is time to look elsewhere.

that is where i am, or shall i say where i am not. i am forever looking forward to the day i give my letter. i'm all geared up for the next step... yet there is no path yet, no light, no word.. nothing. just an empty plate before God... i have never had the chance to say to God... here is the rest of my life, take it and do as you please. in my heart i have not been able to really let go of my title, my job, my paycheck, my status, and the idol which i call my job.

an exciting time calls for extreme and new measures. watch this spot. maybe in months i will free of this wonderful mirage of a burden i carry.

and yes i know.. it's WAY too long since i last posted. patience is a virture.


Popular Posts