i wrote this big bada$$ blog.. but then i pressed something by accident.. then woosh! all gone. i take it that god didn't want me to write about that... actually.. i have something more interesting to vent about.

i am... after self disecting, a non-confrontational person. i dislike conflict, i dislike arguing, i dislike negative criticsm, i dislike fueding... you get the point. so when someone does something that is clearly uncool, by every account, i end up avoiding the situation. i avoid it cuz i just hate the drama, and having to deal with things that people should know how to deal on their own. it sometimes comes back to take a bite size chunk outta my own butt though. like my last relationship ended on a sour note cuz i was just crap at really voicing the problems we had. there are others... but let's not dwell in these happyplaces of mine.

i admire people who voice their minds, while in the same thought i loathe them. it's cuz the only time i can speak my mind is when things concern God.. anything else i'm really bad at. that's why when someone does something that really ticks me off.. i'm at a loss. actually, it may seem i'm at a loss... but really i'm praying.

i believe strongly in the power of prayer. prayer is more useful than me bitching about something to someone that rightfully ticked me off, or having a session with my boss cuz he has been paying us 2 weeks late. i pray because i know that God is so much bigger than all the things that i deem are 'problems'. anyways.. i weigh these things in my mind.... but a burning question shines in my head.

if a person wrongs you, do you speak up beacuse you have a right to stick up for yourself? i've now understood my being as to NOT stick up for myself and just give it to God in all circumstances... BUT is this just a cheap way out of conflict, or a massive show of faith?

my head hurts.


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