.:|the wait|:.
after a recent turn of financial events... it's time i let everyone know. ever since i began tithing money to my church i've tried to learn what it means to really save. not out of necessity, but more because i felt that i should. it's not God's will that i spend all of my paycheck, even if i give a significant amount of it to His church.

over the last... erm, 6 months i've moved into my own place again out of physical and spiritual need. so after rent, tithe and then living expenses i really dont have the cash to run around buying the new jordans or ipods. not only that, but after i lost my new nokia 8310 6 days within buying it, i decided that i shall no longer desire fancy expensive but completely unnecessary gadgets. the phone story itself was stupid, because while buying it i distinctly felt that God was asking me "why are you buying this, do you really need it?" i ignored the Holy Spirit voice, and then promptly left my phone in a cab before the end of the week. coincidence? yeah right.

after that i technology fallout. i made a vow that i would never buy an expensive thing unless i cover it with prayer and God gives me the go ahead. without spending any large amounts of money, i'm going to share my testimony of Jehovah Jira, God the Provider.

i wanted to buy a computer since college. a month after i lost my phone i began praying about and no word from God, so no computer. For my birthday in October my extended family (8 people total) decided to split the cost of getting me a computer.

months later i bought a wireless hub so i could get online in my home. in a complete shocking act, my host family asked to pay for it.

months after that, i began to see the need for an organiser in my life, so i began praying for a palm pilot, or a new sony clie. no word... so no clie. i knew that this was pushing it because i so could use a paper planner and be just as organised, so i really asked God for it. at the same time i really wanted an mp3 player, namely the ipod. i felt so convicted even asking God for that i just stopped praying for it. last month a guy in my fellowship decided to GIVE ME a sony clie.. that is also a mp3 player.

the most recent blessing came last night. i have been praying for MS office products, because the Lord knows i can't really afford a 2.6 grand package of software for my computer, and i refused with a passion to buy pirated stuff. but last night, a friend of mine got the inside deal from a friend working in Microsoft.. and he got me the software... priced at $479 USD... i got it for $12 USD. if that's not God i don't know what is. i went to bed asking myself why in the world am i so blessed? and He kind of lead my minds eye to way back to the day i lost my phone and made an honest vow to God that i won't stupidly purchase any crap without going through Him.

this isn't a blog about how blessed i am... it's a blog about how if you just be patient and give God all your hearts desires, He decides in His own timing when you get anything... IF you get anything that is. but these desires are not allowed by God for the best reason that we probably won't understand anyways. all i know is that after really telling God what i felt that i want and needed, i really left it to Him to decide and that was that. i lived my life either way knowing that i dont need what i dont already have, but i will use to the fullest the things that He gives me out of Grace.

i want to extrapolate to all things that the Lord gives, and not just material things. our own gifts like gifts of faith, encouragement.... how about gifts of friendships, gifts of teachers, gifts of our homes and family, gifts of our jobs.... there're so many... my only question is that if God decides to bless us with gifts... do we use them to the fullest? or do we just take advantage of it and just treat it as any other thing in our lives...

i dont have the money to live a life full of things like ipods, laptops and designer homes like i once thought i was made for. but after realising that i dont need that stuff in my life, i decided that i wont live lie i'm lacking in anything, because the reality is i'm not. there's a total balance between desiring something and just giving it God.. because if the truth be known you can't just tell your emotions to shut up. anyways, my rambling stops here.


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