so god spoke to me last night through my leader and friend. and why do we say boundries.. it's spelt bound-A-ries. yeah... english is so weird. like committee. my old english teacher used to say, the "T's", the "E's", and the "M's" had a meeting with the C.O. (commanding officer) and I. when the meeting started, they became.... DAHDAH DAHHHHH a committee. (i think she was on smack that lesson)

anyways, last night. to make the long story short and sweet... he (my leader and friend) brought to light some things that explains why i am the way i am. "and what way is that?" you ask?....

well... in a word i’m intense. i’m intense when it comes to Jesus... at least this is what people have told me. (this isn't some bogus way to feed my ego, but this is my site, and i have the mic) i have honestly forfeited my life to Jesus, and now i dont believe that anyone is outside of that calling. i have turned some away from my talk of God and having that relationship. i’ve never offended people, but i guess that's because i have goals of getting people to try and see that God can live in and through people, and that it's really not just about that big thick boring book with a holy set of rules to follow and about early sunday mornings...

for example, when someone shares with me problems that i KNOW that Jesus WILL rid them of... i dont accept it. like... on the inside i dont ACCEPT that the person will FOREVER be in bondage. BUT, because i’m so reliant on the faith that God will heal... i come across too strong, and it seems like i just don’t accept their problem.... and then the person kinda thinks i’m being a jerk.. when really i’m coming against the problem.... strongly.


in another revelation i found that i dont respect boundaries. sometimes, if people dont share my love and zeal for Jesus... and they dont want to have that closeness with God... i sometimes can be alittle confrontational. what i’ve accepted as a character flaw in myself is now something that goes a little deeper considering this new light that was shed on it.

it comes from my own life, where my own morals, my lifestyle, my own boundaries, have been set by Jesus, and as i continuously live a life that is constantly trying to fill needs, and live by what the holy spirit says... i sometimes do not understand when people don’t do the same. it boils down to this. if i’m constantly not respecting my own boundaries, and always concentrating on others and where i can be used next... then i can not know, or respect boundaries that other people have set for themselves. n'est pas?

then there’s the whole issue of just DOING things for God, and doing things that God specifically asked me to do.. and i’m stealing the blessing that God may have wanted someone else to receive... blahblahblah.

so my homework is to set boundaries for my self. to seek God’s will concerning what i should be doing. learning when to really say no, and when to really just do things if the need is great. i can't beleive i GAVE myself homework....

following God is something that makes me smile and cringe and cry and laugh and be humble and victorious all in the same week. on these pages i can always express the ups and downs while being a Christian, but the amazement of having the Grace of God is something that no word will ever be able to express.

there are christians of all stages and non-christians alike who read this blog... but the only thing i want any and all to know is that i would hate it if all this was done alone... if i was the only person who understood God's grace because of what He did for me, then it would simply suck being a follower of God. but the truth is i'm not alone, but the reality is that there aren't enough. if any of you who read this are my friend, then you would know that all i want is to share the most important and amazing thing in my life...

and that is Jesus Christ.


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