lonely hearts club
so three nights ago i had a dream. it was a .... difficult dream to wake up to, not that i wanted to stay in the dream... but more the fact that i just didn't want to think about this situation that the dream placed me in. let's just say that in the dream i had a female companion. it was nothing erotic, and nothing that i felt i had to repent about... it's just that as a single guy who is not trying to think about BEING single.. it was a kind of a bummer. errrr, my best friend got married last year, and i was one of the groomsmen. another good friend is also getting married in april.

i can't even get a person to like me.

not that i'm even looking or anything like that. nownow... the title of this blog will probably throw you off a little. i'm not in a state of depression, nor of desperation to find a girlfriend. it's just that i had this dream 3 nights ago, and i'm still thinking about it. at first i though that the person(aria[nycx]) in the dream was suspect... but i know that it wasn't. i think my heart is dealing with being alone. there's nothing wrong with it, but for some reason i find my mind drifting towards this subject more often than not. it's funny, because i know that because of my most recent (ex)relationship, and first as a christian... i NEVER want to date again.. not until i know i'm going marry that person.

it's not as though i've been single for any extended period of time. not even a year. but i'm seeking God to be able to grow as much as i possibly can, as a single guy that doesn't have the advantages AND disadvantages of a wife/gf. with friends, best friends, friends of friends all getting married, it's very difficult to not think about who or when or if my turn will come.

on a completely different note... i am naked. completely. i carry my journal everywhere... because i'm either always wanting to update it, or because i want to make sure it's safe on my body. for 1 full day i KNEW that it's in our church somewhere or with someone... but my name's not on it.. and i'm so totally worried that someone will just open it and read it... that is why i'm naked. it's the weirdest thing to know that you're life story.. could be read by some random person.... ak... i hope and pray that the lord knows my fears... oh well... i place it all in your hands.


Popular Posts