domestic dreams and verbal diarrhoea
i am SUCH a talker. i dont care where, when, how... i just love to sit down somewhere and just yapyapyap. i don't know why i'm like that... some people think it's such a weird, possibly femine trait... but honestly, sitting down in some cafe, bar, apartment... dude, anywhere, and i'll just love it. i'm a sucker for funky interior and soft music with a a beat to it. sadly, i know that it's a lifestyle that i'm trying to alter, or make less financially viable. i've been doing well hit'in up places like starbucks and sipping on an expensive coffee, rather than an even more expensive cocktail. a $30 cop'o joe can last hours... trust me... i've tried and tested that theory.

moving on, last night i went to take a look at a beautiful home that i really wanted to live in. it was in the heart of the city, relatively new, clean, tall ceiling, literally across 1 street from church, and less than 2 minutes within every public transport... only a little more expensive than where i live now. my mind raced with the possibilities. of course, politics played too much into the living arrangements, and i had to graciously decline the offer... but the simple thought of living with 2 christian friends in hong kong was something that i've always dreamed of growing up. to live in that district, that close to things... in such a nice flat... oh man... it was simply the embodiment of what i always wanted as a young teenager... the people i almost lived with also fitted the dream.

that brings me to my own place. i have such a wonderful situation where i am, yet for some some unknown reason i am restless... i already want to move on, yet it's such a great set up, for a great price. it's a little bit of a hassle for public transport, and i'm STILL really really annoyed that i dont have internet connection in my room for my computer... but i can't complain at all. i basically live with a family that constantly cleans and washes and cooks for me. it's just... living with a family that's not mine... i get all the perks of living with a family, without any of the crap. i can, at any point of any day go to my room and shut my door and that's it... my world begins and they leave me be. yet if i want a family-style dinner complete with after dinner coffee and discussion on world politics and latest church news... i just call home and say i'll be there tonight

aiyah. why is it that i'm just not content where i am? it's weird... because i want to be in my own flat, my own world. if i had the net, and i lived within the city centre, i would be home more, and i would love it. i would turn into a lame-oid.... and just chill out at my own place. i would embrace it. i yearn to be able to live in a beautiful place that's full of things that i've picked up from around the world. but i really can't work it out. i live practically by myself, the family is not mine... yet even so i wish to be out side of that evniroment....wait... i think this goes deeper.

my mind is racing as i type.

these days, i'm really uncontent with many things. my clothes, my walk with God, my living situation, my job, my weekly schedule, my daily schedule... i just feel that things are needed to change. i think- no, i'm hoping and praying that this is just a season, and i have to weather it. until i really can just breath deep and relax, i'm do my best to refrain from doing anything too harsh or too spur of the moment.

in other words, shut up and be happy. geez. what the heck is a lame-oid?


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