i think i need to proof read more... that last entry was a peice of litary crap. so like i was saying, too much has been going on and i've skipped a couple of days, so all has had a full night to sink in.

going home... i'm talking home home... has a weird effect on me. i actually hate going home. it's a far, a hassle, boring, and oh yeah... i have to see my family. it's not like i hate my fams... i just dont enjoy too much to be around them. my family and i have issues... i'm not talking like really big stuff, but a huge pile of little silly things that just make the whole experience one that i consider difficult to say the least. i consider myself the family outcast... which is something i've always been proud of. i don't want to even affiliate myself with them whenever we go out... i never seem them because i want to... i see them out of obligation... am i just the biggest jerk you've ever know? so yeah... gonig home just had me doing random stupid stuff.

so in the middle of the night i was definitely feeling the urge to call someone... and i thought about it. not talking with someone, or not making contact, or emailing... made me feel weird... God MADE me have me time last night. it was.. weird. i realized that me time was something i never have.... so weird and NOT oftenso am i such a people person that i feel uneasy if forced to be alone... some people would define that as insecurity, but my naive self thinks that i was just craving to do something more fun than stare at the TV... which i hate doing.

anyways, christmas looms and i am seemingly feeling the pang of loneliness... oh well... maybe it's time that i learn to stand alone for the time being. so be it.


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