split shifts
so i think everyone lives 2 lives. now, 9-6 is the life that i once thought i would never have. i never fashioned myself to be an office worker grinding it out for the cheque at the end of the month. but i am. the 7pm onwards guy.. that's a whole other story.

there was a time in my life where i wanted this persona to be wild, to paint the town, to be known, to be 'in the scene'. and for spots of times i was. living the night life and drudging though the day life was a grind. for 4 months i did that, 9-5, then 8-2(more like 4am)... sleep and then go at it again... sunday was a complete day in bed to recover. only 4 months, yet that made me age years. i would say that i lived that life for 3 years in college... and that certainly did not change when i returned to HK. hmph. times change... as do people. becoming christian does that to people. so now i've hit a reflective season. october, and december are my ultimate times to take a self soul cancer test. after 2 years of office work and living with Jesus Christ, there are times like today where I think about what there is left to accomplish vs what i've actually achieved.

these days i'm doing my very best to pack my free time with some people whom have previously not been my good friend. the point behind it all is to make sure that i'm not at home wasting my life away in front of some computer or TV show. so i try my hardest to make sure that i'm spending the very precious after-work hours meeting with people, doing people things. my host parents think i'm insane, and my own family only see me once a week if at all. my friends often ask where i've been... i tell them i'm out. as though i was a teenager lying about going out to the bars... but the full explaination would just be a little too complicatted.. or in some cases, too simple.

a good friend of mine made me remember that i am a person of today; a person that puts friendship before circumstance... whatever that means. i realized that i am blessed whenever someone wants to share what's going on in their lives, good or bad. seriously, i love it. deep meaning convos, or even deep dark talks, are sometimes what fuels me. many times even.

there is a point here. sliding doors is a movie about what would happen if one significant life-changing aspect of your life turned out differently. i think about that almost everyday when i decide what to do with my day. my mind often slides over to what would i be, or be doing if i had no job. or if i wasn't christian, or if i was still in the states... or..... see? that's why i decide to meet someone today, tonight even. i hate missing out on these things... and so if i do, i feel like i that day can never ever be given back. and in fact.. it can never be reclaimed... that's why i live for now.

so that's also why i run myself crazy around town, doing the things i do... because well... i know that should i ever look back on these times i know that i'm living the life that i want to. and not many people can say that. or maybe it's just cuz of christmas time and i can't get this smile off my face...

anyways, as my reflections make me further disect the very fibers of my soul to be observed for all to share... a single prayer comes to mind.

may God just shower His blessings down on us all. -amen


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